It was a Monday & my brain checked out

Break ups are funny things. They have the ability to turn a completely stable person to the point of no return. As I have experienced this past week.

I don’t mean to brag about my mental stability but if I were to have a diagnosis on my bodies psychology, words such as calm, patient and shows tendencies to “check out” of intense emotional situations would be thrown around. Yes, in other words I would be described as a clam.

I loved my clam. My clam was cosy and safe, nothing got us down, until last week. Some may be assuming this is my first break up but no, my heart has been ripped in two before and I reacted the way any normal 18 year old would. I cried, I ate chocolate and I ripped up old photos. All regular post break up behaviour and rather quiet boring to note.

But alas, as I have grown older I have not grown wiser. With the introduction of social media platforms, relationships have become rather tricky. When do you change your status to in a relationship, do you delete past partners, can you comment on the opposite sex’s picture or can you private message the opposite sex? This isn’t even taking into account the anxiety that comes after a night out and you wonder if any tagged pictures will be questionable.

Online social media has made relationships stressful! We can now track our partner’s viral footprint, being able to locate exactly where they are at any second. I guess Mark Zuckerberg did not believe in the old adage, ignorance is bliss.

Oh to face the simple problems Dylan and Brenda did, it makes you look at the home phone line as this sexy piece of history. While I have zero facts to base this on, I believe there would have been less straying back then. Why? There was no temptation, but with Facebook you can view and pounce on any girl or guy all from behind a screen.

So what did I do that was so crazy and why is Facebook to blame, plus how do I know how to purchase genital crabs? Stay tuned...

A poem with no rhyme

Take me back to the time we met,

Where the wind was my friend and time grew with simplicity,

Let me see your eyes again,

With fleeting hope,

Naivety was your best friend,

Let me smell my burning youth and hear our futures roar with love,

Let our minds wonder with 'maybe's' and 'could we's' and the youthful illusion of perfection,

Let me feel your hand again,

It dripping in chance and seeking lust,

Let me float in your safety.

Take me back to the time we met,

Of playing with white flags and seducing hope...

A tale with no ending

The tale of two young lovers is both luminous and painful. We all hide our first love deep within our souls. The heart crushes when we realise the feeling of youthful optimism dies and the perseverance to sustain the passion of true love is replaced with other checklists. It no longer becomes a love of two hearts but of bank balances or ability to conceive.

Painfully, uninhibited love, free of expectations and games seizes when we grow up and in our adult years we retort to childish ways when it comes to love and war. We all have our stories of the one love that could never survive in the realms of adult reality.

The meeting was nothing unusual but your effect was. Overwhelming and intoxicating your stare consumed me. It would have been poetic had I contained my composure but teenage hormones do not allow for such discreet reactions. You spoke and my heart choked. A burning fire raged inside me. You said your name was Tom, I asked about your accent, we laughed and the start of the love story began.

The bus was our time together. Your arms held me time as the rain slipped like honey down the windows. It started to fog inside and we wrote our love for each other on the screen. We thought it would last forever, but ‘TOM ♥ ELLA 4EVA’ was already starting to fade as the school grounds came into view.

We had about five minutes of uninterrupted bliss before the stares begun. My hand entwined in his and his smile wrapped me in safety. We were kidding ourselves if we thought this could last. But living in this blissful ignorance was all I could handle right now. Before we headed round the corner, before everything would change, I searched his eyes for hope, for hope we could make it. They were blank.

Our hands unhinged like strangers and he was gone. I watched him swagger to his side as I slowly walked to my area with shame. People suspected but no one said anything. Their stares said it all, their disgust, their loathing but they smiled at me and asked about my daddy and I told them about his where about’s and enquired about their daddy. We both hid our utter repulsion under sharp tongues and unfocused eyes.